PASSION Chapter 3 part 1

HoshiMiya
Apr 29
17 min read

Updated: May 8

3. Riegrow

That day, a palpable tension filled the air in the morning.

From the moment he woke up and took a single step outside his room, that prickling feeling was distinctly conveyed through his skin.

With half of the members having left for the South American branch, the already sparsely populated headquarters felt empty. However, the steadily intensifying deadly tension left little room for a feeling of mere emptiness.

Tae-ui grew slightly weary of the stiff expressions on the faces he encountered on his way to the bathroom.

It's not like a group of their mortal enemies is coming; why are they all so deathly pale?

Scratching his head, he entered the bathroom. Tou, who had apparently already finished breakfast, was brushing his teeth and greeted him with a muffled "Mornin', Tay. Slept in, huh? Got your bags packed?" while his toothbrush was still in his mouth.

"You're getting toothpaste on me……. Maybe spit that out before you talk?"

Tae-ui muttered, taking a half-step back. Tou laughed out loud and resumed brushing his teeth.

Still, this guy is better. Seeing even one face that isn't grim like the others makes me feel better. Tae-ui approached the sink next to Tou and, turning on the hot water, first wet his neck before speaking.

"There's nothing to call luggage, so what would I pack? I'll just do it later."

"Hmm―…. Still, you'll be staying for, like, two weeks. Are you sure you'll be okay?"

Tou rinsed his mouth and spoke intermittently.

Tae-ui had to vacate his room by tonight. He wasn't the only member in this situation; several others were in the same boat. When members from the European branch arrived, those in rooms with fewer occupants would temporarily move to other rooms to accommodate them.

The members who were leaving for the South American branch early Saturday morning had departed for the airport, leaving only those who were staying behind.

And then Sunday arrived. Usually, they would be leisurely enjoying their day off, but the atmosphere was far from that. In just a few hours, those who were no different from mortal enemies would be swarming in.

Tae-ui ended up staying in Tou's room. One of the members who shared a room with Tou had gone to South America, so he decided to move there.

While grumbling, "Damn it, why do I have to give up my room to those damn bastards?" the members who had to move rooms packed their simple belongings and relocated one by one. Some of them, not wanting "those damn bastards" to touch even a single one of their things, were practically packing up their entire lives.

Wiping his damp eyes that had welled up a few times with the back of his hand, Tae-ui shrugged, looking at Tou in the mirror.

"If I think of anything I need later, I can just drop by my room and get it."

"Don't even think about it. You might run into the European branch guy who's using that room and that wouln’t be pretty"

"Why do you say that? It was originally my room."

"Like they would care. It'll cause a commotion practically equivalent to a territorial invasion."

"……Sheesh."

Tae-ui muttered the umpteenth "Sheesh." It was short for, "Sheesh, I really can't understand how the relationship could be so hostile."

The digital clock on the bathroom wall indicated a time that was late for morning and early for lunch.

Tae-ui took a stack of fresh towels piled high on the shelf and wiped his face. My complexion in the mirror didn't look good. I had forgotten as soon as I woke up, but I seemed to have had a restless dream.

The fact that―according to his colleagues―vicious and disgustingly terrible guys were coming from the European branch might have been bothering me subconsciously, even though I wasn't aware of it. I thought of myself as someone who didn't get nervous about such things, but I seemed to be surprisingly sensitive.

What briefly flashed through my mind in the dream was a glove that was so red it was almost black. The spot where that pitch-black glove touched was stained dark red. The hand fell away from the neck of a man who collapsed with my eyes rolled back. A clear, bright red mark remained on my neck.

"……."

Perhaps it was because the warm water remaining on my nape cooled and dried, taking away the heat, but a chill ran down my spine.

"What's wrong? Suddenly standing there blankly."

Tou, standing next to him, asked strangely and lightly patted Tae-ui's back. Tae-ui, who had half his face covered with a dry towel, glanced at Tou.

"He'll be coming here soon."

"? What?"

"Rick."

Tou closed his mouth. He too, as if instantly infected by the uneasy atmosphere, stared at Tae-ui silently. Then, clicking his tongue, he shrugged.

"Well, you never know. Sometimes, though rarely, the person coming changes after the final confirmation. But if that bastard comes…… the next two weeks will be really grim. You’ll probably see a lot of shit that you’d never want to see."

Tou muttered with a disgusted look, as if recalling something. Well, he was there during the joint training with the European branch last time, so he would have experienced the whole situation firsthand. Even if he didn't directly experience it, he would have felt the bloody incidents and rumors from that time.

"There were quite a few guys saying they would definitely cut that bastard's throat this time if he comes."

Tae-ui muttered, recalling the sounds of several men from other teams huddled together talking when he was sometimes in the lounge or eating in the cafeteria. Tou's expression grew even harsher.

"Of course, if I could, I'd want to cut it off too. There isn't a single one of us who wouldn't want to cut off that lunatic's head and hang it on the end of a pole. But……."

Tou didn't finish his sentence, but Tae-ui could easily guess. It would be difficult, or even if possible, it would require a considerable sacrifice beyond what they expected.

I could tell the moment I saw the video. I shouldn't try to fight that man; I should avoid him.

"Besides, that guy is bad news in ways other than just fighting. If you mess with him, you'll really get screwed over."

Tou clicked his tongue and said bitterly. Tae-ui, wiping his chin with the towel again where a water droplet that had formed in his hair had rolled down, looked at Tou questioningly. Tou stared at his reflection in the mirror with a reluctant expression, as if he didn't even want to talk about it, before blurting out.

"That bastard, even if it's a guy, if he's even a little bit good-looking and seems worth it, he just beats them up until they can't move and then have sex with them. After any joint training with the European branch, there wasn't a single young and pretty boy that he didn’t get his claws on, no matter which branch it was."

"What……?"

Tae-ui momentarily doubted his ears at the unexpected words. After confirming that he had heard correctly, he doubted his understanding. The word "sex" probably didn't just mean what he thought it meant. However, considering the context of what Tou was saying, it seemed like Tae-ui's understanding was correct.

"It's been a few years, but there was a guy who tried to kill that bastard to get revenge after his close colleague ended up in the hospital for life because of him. But unfortunately, that guy was quite good-looking. Well…… so in the end, as reality often goes, it didn't turn out like good triumphing over evil. He couldn't get his revenge and just ended up getting raped himself……. There was even a guy who tried to hurt himself because he couldn't contain his anger."

"That's really……. ……unfortunate."

"Yeah……. anyway, that's how it is. That guy is bad news in every way. Anyway, if you carelessly mess with him, only we'll end up looking bad."

Having finished speaking, Tou suddenly scanned Tae-ui up and down in the mirror. Then he grinned slyly.

"Well, but you’ll be fine. You don't need to worry about anything unnecessary; you just need to worry about your life."

"Oh, thank you," Tae-ui muttered, raising his hand and hitting Tou on the back of the head.

Young and pretty-looking, a handsome guy. Does he mean someone like Xinlu?

Thinking of someone who perfectly fit that description, Tae-ui suddenly frowned. If that's the case, I shouldn't be nodding so nonchalantly.

"Hey, doesn't that mean Xinlu needs to be careful?”

As Jeong Tae-ui grabbed Tou's wrist, Tou turned around, blinking.

"Oh……, oh. Come to think of it, you're right. But there’s no reason for a team member running into an Administrative Officer? Besides, if it's someone from another branch, there's even less reason. And even if it's that guy, surely he wouldn't bother Administrative Officers and cause trouble for himself later."

"I guess so, ……you're probably right, huh?"

"......"

Tou's white gaze returned to Jeong Tae-ui, who asked back urgently. It was a look that said, 'You foolish lovesick idiot……' Only then did Jeong Tae-ui flinch and shut his mouth. Did I make it too obvious?

"The instructors will take care of the Administrative officers, so don't worry about him. If Rick comes here, just focus on saving your own life. It’s every man for himself."

His words were correct. I didn't even have the firm confidence to save my own life before worrying about others.

"Hmm……. I hope there's some kind of issue with the selection process and that Rick guy doesn't come."

Jeong Tae-ui muttered with a hint of sacrifice, even though he knew there was little chance of that happening.

"Well, that's kind of how it is, but anyway, those guys will be here tonight, so we'll be able to confirm then."

"He'd probably be in Hong Kong by now."

"Aah. I hope he comes in all groggy from jet lag."

Then, seeing Tou playfully make a slicing motion across his neck with his hand, Jeong Tae-ui chuckled. That bit of playfulness momentarily erased the dark afterimage that had clouded his mind.

Not many hours left. In just half a day, I would see them, the ones I had only heard rumors about. It was nothing like anticipation, but my heart was slightly fluttery and restless nonetheless.

"Come to think of it, they said everyone who's moving rooms should come to the office after they're done. They need to check things."

Tou said casually, wiping his mouth with a towel. Jeong Tae-ui flinched for no reason.

"You'll see Xinlu if you go to the office. No, wait. He's in charge of internal affairs, so you'd have to go talk to Xinlu anyway. Lucky you, Tay."

Tou grinned mischievously and nudged Jeong Tae-ui's side with his elbow. Jeong Tae-ui swayed and mumbled, "Hmm."

This isn't good. No, it wasn't that I didn't want to see him. I wanted to meet him and hear his voice. I even liked his fragrant soap smell. But I still didn't feel confident enough to stand before him. Somehow, if I ran into Xinlu now, I felt like I'd turn into a boiled octopus and freeze up again.

Besides…… if we met again, what kind of face would that guy make at me?

Jeong Tae-ui wiped the already dry nape of his neck with the towel. His heart immediately sank.

I hadn't met Xinlu even once since that day. There wasn't much reason for an administrative officer and a team member to meet unless there was something specific, but I avoided places where I might run into Xinlu as much as possible. Even when I went to the basement to visit my uncle's room, I would cautiously look around like a thief.

To think I got a boner to someone who kindly applied medicine to my injury, what on earth was I thinking?

Next to the agonizing Jeong Tae-ui, Tou, who had thrown his towel into the collection bin, habitually patted his pocket to check his cigarette case before walking out of the bathroom. Jeong Tae-ui gloomily grabbed him.

"Are you going out for a smoke?"

"Huh? Yeah. You wanna come too?"

"Yeah, give me one."

"……You know there's nowhere to get cigarettes here, right? Fine. I'll lend you one, but you owe me a whole pack later."

"You know you just made a really annoyed face, right? I wish I could show you a mirror."

Tou, a chain smoker to the bone, excused his stinginess by saying, "Damn it, I still have two more weeks locked up here, and I'm almost out of my stash of cigarettes." Jeong Tae-ui said he understood, patted Tou reassuringly, and they left the bathroom together.

After navigating the cluttered hallway and going up to the ground floor, Jeong Tae-ui got off the elevator first and quickly followed behind Tou, who was walking straight out of the building, glancing around nervously. I felt a bit pathetic doing this, but still, I didn't know what kind of face I should make if I happened to run into Xinlu.

As soon as they stepped outside, the sunlight poured down so brightly that it was hard to open their eyes properly.

Although they lived underground, the air conditioning system worked perfectly, and the interior lighting was designed to be no different from natural light, so they didn't feel any discomfort from being underground. Nevertheless, the sunlight, the color of the sky, and the breeze they occasionally encountered clearly soothed their hearts.

Jeong Tae-ui also often came out for walks during his free time. It seemed other colleagues did the same, as I would usually run into one or two people while strolling outside.

The dense forest path became dangerous and was rarely used late in the evening, but it was still manageable during the day. And if you followed the small, secluded path behind the building—it was quite a distance—you could reach the beach. Piles of house-sized rocks were stacked up, far from a dazzling sandy beach, but the color of the sea was absolutely magnificent.

Jeong Tae-ui forcibly stole two more cigarettes from Tou, who claimed he was too lazy to go far, and walked down that secluded path alone. As he pushed through the knee-high weeds, his calves were bitten by bugs and cut by the blades of grass.

I should have worn shorts. Should I go back and change? While pondering this, he continued walking, and soon the smell of the sea began to waft in.

Tch, originally, I should have come for a walk here with Xinlu. Yeah, if that had happened, everything might have gone smoothly. I wouldn't have gotten unnecessarily excited and flushed……. ……Well, then again, you never know.

Jeong Tae-ui grumbled and put a cigarette in his mouth. He lit it with the lighter he had also stolen, saying he'd only borrow it for a moment, and inhaled the smoke deeply.

"Sorry, trees. Please bear with the slight suffocation."

As he walked through the natural forest, muttering an apology to the trees for exhaling cigarette smoke, the forest eventually ended and the sea appeared before Jeong Tae-ui.

However, unfortunately, it wasn't just the sea that appeared.

There was someone walking back this way, likely after enjoying the sea breeze and the smell of the ocean. It was someone he absolutely didn't want to run into right now. The person approaching alone was Xinlu.

Startled, as soon as Jeong Tae-ui saw Xinlu, he instinctively looked around for a place to hide, but before he could find a suitable spot, Xinlu looked his way.

After their eyes met, Xinlu, who was surprised to see Jeong Tae-ui standing there awkwardly without hiding, stopped walking for a moment but then slowly approached. There was only this one path to take anyway.

"……. Uh……Are you here on a walk?"

Jeong Tae-ui mumbled, feeling like it would be even stranger not to say a short greeting as Xinlu came within about fifteen steps. Xinlu, who was looking steadily at Jeong Tae-ui without showing any particular discomfort, nodded.

"Yes. You too, Tae-ui hyung?"

"Unn, just for a bit……, It's been a while."

Jeong Tae-ui said briefly, trying to sound nonchalant. But it was a disaster. His face was starting to heat up again. He should have just said he had rosacea.

Xinlu stopped about three or four steps away. There was a hint of hesitation in his eyes.

Jeong Tae-ui, with a cigarette in his mouth and trying to look composed, pondered. Should I apologize? Probably. But no words came out of my mouth.

"Come to think of it, hyung, you moved rooms too, right? Which room did you move to?"

Xinlu spoke, as if he had finally found something to say. Jeong Tae-ui also opened his mouth, saying, "Oh, yeah."

"I moved to Tou's room. Right, I was supposed to go tell you. I completely forgot. Tou. Tou Ching-in, he's on the same team as me, and I'm staying in his room."

"Ah, Tou hyung's room. I see."

Xinlu nodded. And then another awkward silence fell between them.

At least I had been spared the trouble of having to go find Xinlu later to talk, so that was the only good thing about this. It was fortunate, but this uncomfortable situation was extremely difficult to endure.

Jeong Tae-ui quietly looked down at Xinlu, who was standing a few steps away with his head lowered. His long eyelashes fluttered a few times. He could see the top of Xinlu's small head, slightly below the parting.

He was a lovely young man. A cute girl, small and doll-like with a sweet, cotton-candy smile, would suit him best. The person he was dreaming of was undoubtedly such a girl.

But suddenly, how surprised would I have been when a man who had been calling me 'hyung' and getting along well with me, who got a boner in front of him? Beyond surprise, it might even lead to displeasure or a sense of betrayal.

'Hyung, were you looking at me like that all along?' If he were to say that, should I lie and say, 'No, I was just out of my mind for a moment back then'? Or would it be better to honestly say, 'Yes'? Either way, it would be awkward.

"R-right, hyung, you sometimes go to Instructor Jeong's room, don't you? You shouldn't go for a while. There's a rule that during joint training periods, team members and instructors aren’t allowed to interact unless strictly necessary."

"Ah…… Unn, thanks."

Jeong Tae-ui had already been told by his uncle not to come for a while, but he hesitated for a moment before simply saying thank you. I was actually grateful. Xinlu was trying to take care of me in his own way.

Yes, still, Xinlu was trying his best to treat me well. Whatever displeasure or embarrassment he had felt back then, he wasn't showing a sour face now.

For every one exchange of words, several times that amount of silence returned.

Hesitating again, unable to find anything to say, Jeong Tae-ui noticed Xinlu's troubled gaze flicking towards him and sighed, stepping slightly aside. He realized he had been blocking Xinlu's path.

"Then, I'll head back first."

Xinlu bowed his head slightly and hurried past him. Jeong Tae-ui watched his retreating figure with a bitter feeling and muttered, "Sorry." He had said it aloud, but his voice was so small that he wasn't sure if Xinlu had heard him.

Huffing out a sigh along with the cigarette smoke, Jeong Tae-ui slowly started walking when he suddenly thought he heard the receding footsteps behind him pause for a moment.

"Um…… Tay hyung."

A hesitant voice called out to him. Jeong Tae-ui stopped and turned around. Xinlu was looking up at him with a strange expression. Strangely enough, his face was as flushed as Jeong Tae-ui's felt.

"Hyung, um, I……."

"……?"

"I."

Xinlu's face grew increasingly red, like the color of the setting sun. His voice grew softer and softer.

His face was so flushed and his head was lowered in such a pitiful way that Jeong Tae-ui felt inexplicably restless. It's okay to get angry. It's okay to yell.

Preparing himself to hear harsh words from Xinlu, Jeong Tae-ui clenched his fist in his pocket.

However, the words Xinlu finally shouted, after hesitating and fidgeting for a long time as if he didn't know what to do, were completely different from what Jeong Tae-ui had expected.

"Um, I've, um, slept with a man before."

"......"

The cigarette in Jeong Tae-ui's mouth fell out with a soft thud. He stared blankly at Xinlu, not even noticing the cigarette had fallen between his feet. He clearly saw Xinlu's stammering figure, unable to meet his eyes and only looking down at his feet.

"It was the winter two years after I graduated high school—oh, I skipped a grade, so I wasn't even an adult yet then—but I went to a place with a friend where those people, um, only men gathered. And that's when, the first time I did it……."

Xinlu’s face was completely flushed by the time he finished speaking, or rather, stopped speaking.

Jeong Tae-ui could only stare blankly at Xinlu, unable to even blink. He looked as if his soul had left his body. His mind went blank, and no thoughts came to him.

After a long silence, Xinlu, who had been slowly raising his gaze with hesitation, exclaimed with a surprised look, "Hyung! Your cigarette! Your cigarette!" pointing his finger. Only then did Jeong Tae-ui look down and saw that the lit cigarette that had fallen at his feet had caught the dry grass on fire, and smoke was quietly rising. He was startled and frantically stomped on the grass.

His hands were agitated as he put out the embers, picked up the cigarette butt, and put it in his pocket. He took out the remaining cigarette and tried to light it, but the lighter wouldn't work properly. His fingers kept fumbling.

Wait a minute, what did I just hear? I feel like I heard something strange, but it's like a part of my memory is blank, and I can't recall it. So, a little while ago, Xinlu called out to me, 'Tay hyung.' And then, after hesitating for a long time, what he said was……. Ugh, why won't this damn lighter light?

Unable to bear watching Jeong Tae-ui struggle to light his cigarette even after flicking the lighter several times, Xinlu, still red-faced and looking guilty, hesitantly approached. He gently took the lighter from Jeong Tae-ui's hand and lit the cigarette for him. "Ah, thank you," Jeong Tae-ui said as he lit his cigarette, wordlessly taking the lighter back from Xinlu and putting it back in his pocket.

"......"

A delicate silence flowed between them. Xinlu stood in front of Jeong Tae-ui, close enough to touch if he reached out.

Jeong Tae-ui, who had been blankly staring at Xinlu and exhaling smoke, flinched in surprise when Xinlu coughed softly a couple of times. "Sorry," he said, quickly turning his head to puff out the smoke. Then, he put out the cigarette he had barely even taken a few puffs from. Tou would probably have glared and jumped up and down if he had seen it, but Jeong Tae-ui didn't care about such things.

"......, um, was it……. good?"

As soon as he spoke, after agonizing over it for a long time, Jeong Tae-ui wanted to chop off his own head.

What on earth had he just asked? 'Was it good?' What was he even referring to in this context?

Indeed, Xinlu looked at Jeong Tae-ui with wide, surprised eyes. "No, that's not what I meant," Jeong Tae-ui stammered, waving his hand dismissively. He was sweating profusely.

"No, sorry. That's not what I meant. I just... um…… I meant, was it a bad experience for you?"

Xinlu quietly looked at Jeong Tae-ui's face, who was desperately trying to explain himself with a flustered expression. Then, he slowly shook his head.

"It didn't feel bad. ……It's just that I've been too busy since then to go to such places……, and after that, I haven't been attracted to women……."

Xinlu lowered his head shyly as he spoke, and his neck flushed a delicate red. Watching him, Jeong Tae-ui's already flushed face grew even hotter.

How funny would this look to anyone who saw them? Two grown men standing face to face with red faces, only looking down at their feet. But I didn't think I would care even if someone was laughing hysterically beside them. The thought of 'maybe, just maybe' warmed his heart and made me feel giddy.

Jeong Tae-ui aimlessly nudged a long cigarette butt lying at his feet back and forth with his toe. Then, Xinlu, who had been silent for a while, whispered softly.

"Tay hyung. When we were drinking tea a few days ago……."

Jeong Tae-ui flinched, his toe stepping on the cigarette. His foot, dragging the cigarette, moved hesitantly.

"Because you touched me like that, and you smelled like soap, and you were so close to me, that's why……."

"Uh-huh, I see..."

Jeong Tae-ui nodded his head and mumbled. That was all. Xinlu was still looking down with his face red up to his ears, and Jeong Tae-ui was no different.

Then, at some point, Xinlu very slowly raised his head. His dark eyes glanced up at Jeong Tae-ui. His heart fluttered at the sight of his moist, sparkling eyes.

Jeong Tae-ui was just about to look away when Xinlu smiled slightly. He smiled shyly, only slightly raising the corners of his lips as if he was embarrassed. Jeong Tae-ui couldn't take his eyes off his smiling lips.

"......Hyung. Let's go back together. I'll wait here…… no, I want to see the sea one more time too."

Xinlu said that and walked past Jeong Tae-ui back towards the sea. Jeong Tae-ui stood rooted to the spot, blankly watching Xinlu's retreating figure. Only when Xinlu, who had walked quite a distance, turned back and tilted his head in question did Jeong Tae-ui finally hurry after him.

His heart pounded wildly. It raced as if he had grasped an unbelievable stroke of luck.

He closed his eyes and opened them again, still not believing it, but Xinlu was still there, smiling.

Ah, so it's not true that only misfortune comes my way.

I felt like I could endure even if hundreds of men like Rick came from the European branch tonight.

***

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