PASSION Chapter 2 part 4
- HoshiMiya
- Apr 16
- 26 min read
The library on the fifth basement floor was always deserted. Perhaps because of that, you could sometimes see guys lying down between the secluded bookshelves, their faces covered by books, fast asleep.
The usual corner between the bookshelves where Jeong Tae-ui always sat to read was already occupied by some guy sprawled out, so Tae-ui went to the opposite side and crouched down. There was a spacious six-person desk available, but if I sat there and read, one or two familiar faces would always come over and bother me. So, I ended up hiding here to read, but I also thought it was better this way since I could just fall asleep if I got drowsy.
Jeong Tae-ui flipped through the books on the shelf and picked one out. He silently scanned the pages.
However, his quiet and comfortable reading didn't last long. A team member looking for a book came all the way into this secluded corner, and it was a familiar face.
"Oh."
At the short sound, Jeong Tae-ui only glanced up. It was Wien Ho. Ching was behind him.
Wien Ho strode over and gently tilted the end of the book Jung Tae-ui was holding.
"What are you reading? ……The Art of War? This guy reads weird books sometimes. Reading stuff like that won't help you in real combat, you know."
"Do you know of any other book that compiles the Thirty-Six Stratagems so neatly?"
Jeong Tae-ui replied curtly and shook the book. As he was about to explain the saying that classics are timeless, Wien-ho waved his hand dismissively, looking annoyed, and took a step back.
"Yeah, yeah, keep reading diligently. The instructor will be very fond of you when you discuss strategic theories."
Jeong Tae-ui briefly thought of his uncle, who was in charge of strategy, but immediately scoffed inwardly, thinking, 'No way.' My uncle wasn't the type to favor model students. If anything, he tended to show interest in slightly oddballs. That person himself was quite unconventional.
"But why the Thirty-Six Stratagems all of a sudden? Planning to run away from somewhere?"
"Well──you know that training video from yesterday? After watching that, I figured that's the only way I can save my own life. If you're not confident you can win a fight, you should at least be good at reading the situation and running away to prolong your pathetic life by even a day."
Whether they thought Jeong Tae-ui's casually muttered words were a joke or not, Wien-ho and Ching laughed as if they found it amusing.
"There are opponents it works on and opponents it doesn't. It's not going to work on everyone. ……Hmm. Well, you do seem like the type who could survive even if you were thrown into the deepest jungle and manage to come back alive."
As Ching nodded and muttered, Wien-ho also nodded in agreement.
Jeong Tae-ui wondered how his image had plummeted like this in just a few days, but he didn't feel like denying it, so he just shrugged. Maybe this was the kind of intuition my uncle had been talking about.
In a very short moment, I can make a decision. What is the best way to act, what is the best I could do within my capabilities, what should I give up and what should I gain to be most efficient, I could quickly judge by assessing the opponent and myself.
But when you encounter a monstrous madman, the best thing is to give up your pride and gain practical benefits. In other words, just run away as soon as you see them.
"But still…… it doesn't say here what the best way to run away is."
Jeong Tae-ui muttered while flipping through the pages of the book. As expected, the two guys laughed, thinking it was another joke.
Looking at their faces, contorted in laughter, made me want to lightly tap their cheeks to death with the book in my hand. Jeong Tae-ui stared alternately at the book and their faces, but he couldn't fulfill his desire because his pager vibrated in his pocket just then.
Closing the book and taking the pager out of his pocket, Jeong Tae-ui tilted his head slightly at the unfamiliar number. It was an internal extension, but the number was unfamiliar. I had roughly memorized the numbers of the instructors who had paged me before.
"Where is number 07?"
Jeong Tae-ui, who had taken out his pager and was staring at it with a serious face, suddenly asked. "Huh?" Ching, who was next to him, craned his neck and looked at the pager. Tae-ui didn't have a reason to hide it, but he instinctively pulled his body back and withdrew the pager. Ching grumbled, "What's the big deal?" and answered.
"07, let me see. If it's number 7 on the ground floor, that's, where was that again? It must be the Administrative office."
"Administrative office? Why would they call someone there…….?"
Jeong Tae-ui, who had been muttering with raised eyebrows, suddenly closed his mouth. Then, he stared intently at Ching and blinked. Ching seemed uncomfortable with the gaze and subtly stepped back.
"Why are you looking at me like that?"
"……No……, could you put this back on the shelf for me?"
Jeong Tae-ui suddenly stood up, shoved the book into Ching's hands, and immediately bolted out from between the bookshelves. He heard a few "Hey, wait?" sounds from behind, but he pretended not to hear and ran out of the reading room.
My stupid memory! Right, if he didn't contact me yesterday, today would be the day! Did you already forget that you went to sleep disappointed last night, Jeong Tae-ui?
He didn't even want to waste time waiting for the elevator, which was stopped on the first floor, to come down, so he dashed up the stairs. He didn't even feel out of breath as he ran from the fifth basement floor to the ground floor.
Reaching the ground floor in one go, Jeong Tae-ui patted his pounding chest and walked towards the office. Regular hours were already over, so usually only Administrative officers on duty would be left inside the office.
He took a deep breath in front of the door──unaware that his uncle would later clutch his stomach laughing after seeing that scene on the recording camera──and knocked. He heard a sound from inside, and the door opened.
Xinlu was the only one left in the office. He smiled brightly when he saw Jeong Tae-ui.
"Tae-ui hyung, you're here."
"Unn. ……Are you alone?"
"Yes, I'm on duty today. ……Were you busy?"
"No, I had spare time on my hands so I went to read a book in the library. I was actually annoyed by the interruptions, but then I got your pager, so I rushed over. If you're on night duty, you can't leave, right?"
"Yes. Administrative officer Kiffen was originally scheduled to be on duty, but he suddenly got acute indigestion, so we switched. So, I don't think a walk will be possible today. I'm sorry, hyung."
Xinlu lowered his head apologetically and whispered. Jeong Tae-ui continued, "No, it's fine. Is Kiffen very sick?" but he was secretly disappointed. So that's it. He paged me to cancel the date.
Even though he tried not to show it, Jeong Tae-ui's face must have been too obvious. Xinlu hesitated, looking at Jeong Tae-ui's expression, then smiled awkwardly and continued.
"But there's not much work to do today anyway, so all I’ve to do is stay in the office. …….Would you like to sit down and have some tea? Vice-director Jangtil brought us some good tea a while ago when he came back from a trip. If you're not busy, please sit down for a bit, hyung."
"Oh, really? Of course, I’m not busy. ……Unn, what kind of tea is it?"
"Keemun. Do you like it?"
"I haven't tried it. Green tea?"
"No, it's a black tea…… it has a nice smell like orchids. I'll get it for you right away, so give it a try."
Xinlu busily went into the private room. Jeong Tae-ui could hear the sound of water and clinking dishes from inside.
Jeong Tae-ui hesitated and peeked through the crack in the private room door. Then, noticing the recording camera installed in the corner of the office as always, he quietly took a seat.
Yeah, there's no real reason to go for a walk. It would have been nice to go outside, walk along the beach, and look at the sky and the sea, but being with Xinlu is more important. If we can be together, what does it matter if we're indoors? As long as we can quietly drink tea and chat.
Not long after, Xinlu came out of the private room carrying a tray. The tray with the teacups looked precarious, so Jeong Tae-ui quickly stood up and took it from him. Xinlu's smiling face as he said, "Thank you," was also lovely.
Just like my uncle said, maybe my taste really doesn't change. The second person in my life to make my heart pound like crazy is also this lovely and beautiful young man.
"Have you fully adjusted to being here yet? It’s hard, isn’t it?"
Xinlu asked, sitting down across from Jeong Tae-ui. Jeong Tae-ui, who had adapted far too well, was momentarily confused by the question. Then, realizing that Xinlu was talking about how it had only been a few days since he arrived, he nodded, saying, "Ah, right."
It would be a lie to say it wasn't tough. In fact, once I got past the regular work hours of 8 AM to 5 PM, I was free to do whatever I wanted. No one would bother me whether I drank, smoked, or stayed holed up in my bed. So, the daily schedule itself was much more relaxed than when I was in the military.
However, the training during regular hours was quite exhausting. It felt like the training here was twice as hard as my military training. There were all sorts of processes to learn, and the colleagues I was competing with in those processes were all top talents from outside, so facing them in competition was no easy task.
Carlo, who always had a slouched and sloppy posture, Tou, with his perpetually smiling face and simple way of thinking, Alta, who was short-tempered and always smelled faintly of alcohol, and so on, were all considered top talents……. Furthermore, thinking about it, even that crazy guy he saw in the video yesterday was a man of great talent…….
Jeong Tae-ui stopped thinking for a moment and let out a quiet sigh, clearing his head. What is this world coming to?
"Are you very tired? I have some dried fruit preserved in honey, would you like some?"
Suddenly, Jeong Tae-ui flinched, realizing Xinlu was leaning towards him with a worried expression.
Before he knew it, the young man's face was right in front of his nose. I could see the fine, downy hair on his earlobe, sparkling white. His cheeks were also round, making him look like a young boy who hadn't lost his baby fat yet.
His heart suddenly stung. As Xinlu moved closer, the air shifted, and the scent of soap brushed against his nose. Then, a sudden heat flared up in his chest. And it wasn't just his chest that was heating up.
"Hmm──I'm not that tired, but if you're offering, I'd like to try some."
Jeong Tae-ui said, forcing a calm smile. Xinlu said, "Okay," and stood up to go back to the private room.
As soon as Xinlu disappeared from his sight, Jeong Tae-ui frantically patted his chest and thighs, careful not to make any noise.
What are you doing? You've only known him for a few days, do you want to show such an ugly side of yourself? Get a grip, Jeong Tae-ui! He's still young, look at those cheeks that haven't lost their baby fat and the downy hair on his earlobes. How can you have such thoughts about a child like that!
However, while thinking that, he also heard a voice whispering from another corner of his mind.
Twenty-two years old is a proper adult, and there's no real reason to feel guilty for having such feelings. It's not like you're going to force anything, and look, you're getting along fine, drinking tea together right now.
Jeong Tae-ui groaned in anguish amidst the conflicting thoughts and clutched his head.
Either way, after smelling that soft scent, the first thing to do is to cool down my heated body. Has it been building up that much? Come to think of it, it's been over a month since I properly had sex with another human, but still, to have my self-control break down this much, I still have a long way to go.
Jeong Tae-ui thumped his chest as if he was choking. He took a deep breath and patted his chest several times, and his body cooled down a bit. Then, Xinlu returned from behind him.
"What’s wrong, hyung? Are you feeling unwell anywhere?"
Xinlu, who was bringing out a plate of dried fruit, looked strangely at Jeong Tae-ui, who was patting himself, and asked. Jeong Tae-ui smiled and shook his head. The fingertips that had been stroking my chest were now much cooler.
He drank his tea and quietly observed Xinlu, whose gaze was lowered over his cup.
Even though he looked young, he wasn't a child. His slender eyes with their slightly upturned corners, his plump and moist lips, and the roundness of his cheeks and clear skin just made him look younger. In fact, if you had to categorize him, he leaned more towards the alluring side.
Perhaps sensing his gaze, Xinlu looked up. When their eyes met, he paused for a moment and smiled with his eyes. The slight upturn of his lips was incredibly seductive. Was it because I was looking at Xinlu with such eyes that I felt that way?
"By the way, hyung, I heard that Jeong Jay, who used to be at headquarters, is your older brother."
"Unn? Ah, Jae-ui hyung? That's right."
Jeong Tae-ui nodded, relieved that the topic had changed. It seemed that the fact that Jeong Jae-ui was Jeong Tae-ui's brother had already spread throughout the entire branch. Well, with only about a hundred people confined in one building, there was no way a secret could exist. Not that it was a secret anyway.
"Everyone says he's incredibly smart. And that you two are twins."
"Hmm──we are twins, but we don't look alike at all. Not in appearance, intelligence, or personality. My brother is better than me."
Jeong Tae-ui bit into the dried fruit and slowly counted off the points. As I thought about it again, there was nothing I could do better than Jeong Jae-ui. Except for being closer to being a normal person.
Then, Jeong Tae-ui suddenly clicked his tongue with a bitter taste in his mouth. It was a well-known fact that I couldn't beat Jeong Jae-ui in anything. I had accepted that obvious fact from the beginning. Now, I was used to people reacting that way regarding my brother. I had been experiencing it for nearly a quarter of a century, so it would be strange if I wasn't used to it.
So, it was okay now, but what had been difficult to get used to until very recently were the people who approached me with my brother as their goal. It was better when people were upfront about their curiosity towards Jeong Jae-ui from the beginning. The bitterness I felt when I realized that the people who approached me seemingly without such intentions had ulterior motives was incomparable.
Jeong Tae-ui thought about the past for a moment and chuckled to himself.
People eventually get used to anything that happens repeatedly. The hurt and pain only last for the first few times. When similar things happened again and again, I felt extremely hollow.
Jeong Tae-ui quietly gazed at the beautiful red color of the tea, from which a subtle orchid fragrance was rising.
Well, what would happen? If, for whatever reason, this young man became more interested in Jeong Jae-ui and tried to use me, Jeong Tae-ui, as a means to reach him.
In that case……
Jeong Tae-ui smiled. In that case, what about it? There's nothing to do but watch how things unfold.
There are things I can control and things I can't. Other people's hearts belong to the latter.
But even if that happens, I would still find this boy adorable. Just like the others before him.
"Do you want to meet him?"
Jeong Tae-ui asked. Xinlu, who had been enjoying the aroma rising from the tea, widened his eyes. He looked like he didn't understand what he was saying. Then, as if he had grasped the context of the conversation, he said, "Ah," and tilted his head.
"There's no reason for me not to want to meet him…… but I don’t even know him."
"I see……."
Jeong Tae-ui just smiled calmly.
It wasn't always bad, come to think of it. Even though they approached Jeong Tae-ui wanting to know Jeong Jae-ui, some of them stayed by Jeong Tae-ui's side. They are people who are now by his side, people he wouldn't have even had the chance to know if it weren't for Jeong Jae-ui.
"But he must be popular."
"Yeah."
"Your older twin brother. Even if you don't look alike, as twins, there must be some similarities. If your brother resembles you and are that smart, he must be popular."
"......"
Jeong Tae-ui, holding his teacup, just blinked for a moment. Xinlu, who spoke so casually, drank his tea as if nothing had happened. Jeong Tae-ui tilted his head and looked at him.
What should I say? It feels like I heard something that could be interpreted as a compliment, depending on how you look at it.
"Hmm…… My brother is popular. (Though it's mostly with the ambitious men from major foreign public institutions.) But…… I'm not."
Jeong Tae-ui trailed off. Xinlu's eyes widened in surprise.
"Don’t be silly, I think you just don't know it. I think you're popular too. You're really charming."
Xinlu said calmly, smiling. Then, he reached out and gently brushed the hair that had fallen over Jeong Tae-ui's forehead. His small, pale hand brushed Jeong Tae-ui's cheek and reached his ear.
"You have nice features…… I think you are better with your hair out of your face so that your face shows more. Ah, and your neck too. You have a nice neckline, so I think you'd look good with shorter haircut."
"Hmm…… really?"
Even as he answered, Jeong Tae-ui didn't know what he was saying.
I couldn't move. The warm hand brushed my forehead and cheek. The fingers that briefly touched my neck were very ticklish. I felt breathless.
"Oh……, Hyung, you seem to be hurt. You have a bruise here. Hold on, I have some ointment, I’ll put on some for you."
Xinlu's hand stopped midway between his shoulder and neck. He hadn't been aware of it until now, but sure enough, as he pressed lightly where Xinlu indicated, it throbbed. I must have gotten hit during sparring.
Xinlu opened a desk drawer within reach and took out an ointment. He squeezed some onto his palm and again stroked Jeong Tae-ui's neck.
"Oh, no, it's okay, it doesn't hurt that much—"
Jeong Tae-ui, flustered and trying to stop Xinlu, trailed off. His voice was faintly hoarse. He became even more flustered hearing his own voice.
Fortunately, Xinlu didn't seem to notice and began to rub the ointment on Jeong Tae-ui's neck.
Soft fingers brushed over his neck. It was a pleasant and relaxing touch, as if giving a massage.
However, Jeong Tae-ui was flustered. Xinlu's breath touched his ear. The regular breathing, along with the warm breath, warmed his face.
"Xinlu, that's enough, stop─…."
A jolt went through his body. Jeong Tae-ui ended up grabbing Xinlu's wrist and pulling it away. I could feel my face was incredibly flushed. But what was even more mortifying was the reaction in my groin.
The fabric of his thin, loose-fitting indoor clothes couldn't hide the faint protrusion of his aroused flesh.
Xinlu, who had been staring blankly at Jeong Tae-ui who suddenly pushed him away, seemed to realize where Jeong Tae-ui's lowered gaze was directed. Jeong Tae-ui could feel Xinlu flinch in his hand as he followed his gaze.
A bewildered gaze lingered on Jeong Tae-ui's face, unsure of what to do. Xinlu's voice, muttering "ah," anxiously circled in his mouth.
Even as his head burned, Jeong Tae-ui clicked his tongue. I’m so angry at my own foolishness.
What am I doing? I'm not some horny teenager.
I wished someone would burst in and slap me hard across the face.
"Hyung……, um……."
"So, ……rry."
Only then did Jeong Tae-ui realize the wrist wriggling in his hand, and he quickly let go. Their eyes met. Young eyes blinked on Jeong Tae-ui's face. Seeing those eyes made his face flush again.
Bump. He suddenly stood up, his chair hitting the floor with a thud. Jeong Tae-ui nervously clenched and unclenched his empty hands, not knowing what to do, then mumbled "sorry" once more and turned away. I felt like I should offer Xinlu more of an explanation or apology, but I couldn't bring myself to face him right now.
Jeong Tae-ui hurried out of the office and stepped into the dimly lit hallway.
I didn't think I'd ever felt so mortified in my life.
His quick, rough, and wide steps were almost a run.
He brushed past one or two people while going down the stairs, bypassing the elevator, but none of them tried to stop Jeong Tae-ui, who was passing by with a bright red, stiff face.
Jeong Tae-ui walked aimlessly, wherever his feet took him, his hair a mess as if he didn't even know what he was thinking. As he walked, he found himself in front of his uncle's room. In his dazed state, his feet must have instinctively found the familiar path.
He grabbed the doorknob and yanked it open, but the door was locked. My uncle didn't seem to be there. Good riddance, rather.
Jeong Tae-ui took out the key he always carried and went into his uncle's room. As always, the room was impeccably tidy, without a speck of dust.
He carelessly threw off his coat, opened the refrigerator, and took out a beer. He finished it in a few gulps, but it wasn't enough. He took out another one and drank it all at once again. So he took out one more and drank about half of it before he finally felt a bit cooler inside.
Suddenly, a large mirror next to the desk caught his eye. He met his own gaze in it. His face was bright red. Red from his earlobes down to his neck. Seeing this made Jeong Tae-ui even more awkward, and he rubbed his cheeks with the cold can in his now-cold hand. He had hoped his cheeks would cool down, but his hand warmed up first.
Jeong Tae-ui stood there blankly holding the can before collapsing onto the floor in front of the refrigerator.
The heat in his groin had long since subsided. It had deflated as if it had never stood up in the first place. Yet, his face and chest still felt hot and wouldn't cool down.
"Damn it……. If you were going to shrivel up like this, you shouldn't have stood up at all. Why do you have to make things so difficult for me?"
Jeong Tae-ui muttered his complaints to his own groin. But it wasn't that part that needed to be understood, it was his head.
Jeong Tae-ui, who had been sitting on the floor in front of the refrigerator staring blankly at his feet, suddenly raised his hand and brought it to his neck. He traced the spot where the soft fingertips had touched just moments ago.
The slippery ointment was still there, I guess it’s not absorbed yet. He rubbed it over his skin.
He was just putting ointment on me. I could touch myself like that a hundred times, but I wouldn’t get hard. It’s just my neck! Did I seriously get a boner just because it was Xinlu who touched me.
"I guess I'm really hung up on him……. What am I going to do?"
He deliberately mumbled aloud, but of course, there was no reply. I had hoped that saying it out loud would help organize my thoughts, but I didn't feel any sign of that happening.
Jeong Tae-ui wiped his still-red face with the back of his hand for no particular reason.
I needed something to cool my head. At this rate, I felt like this heat wouldn't subside even after a lifetime. Should I take a cold shower? Maybe I need to cool down my body as well as my head.
Jeong Tae-ui finished the rest of his half-empty beer and stood up.
Shouldn't have drunk that beer. It just seems to be making my face even hotter.
Scolding himself for his foolishness, Jeong Tae-ui headed to the bathroom. I might as well fill the bathtub with cold water and soak in it completely.
He turned on the cold water in the neatly cleaned bathtub and stared blankly at the strong stream of water when he thought he heard a faint mechanical sound mixed with the sound of the water.
He leaned halfway out of the bathroom and looked around the room. Sure enough, Jeong Tae-ui had heard correctly; the phone on the desk was ringing. The sound of the phone quietly filling the room was now familiar.
Jeong Tae-ui closed the bathroom door and walked over to the desk. As he approached, he saw his reflection in the mirror and realized he looked ridiculous. His face was completely red, and he couldn't hide his flustered expression. I looked just like a naive adolescent boy.
"Get a grip, Jeong Tae-ui. How long has it been since you got out of the military that you're already this lax? This isn't an easy place, so don't go around losing your mind."
Muttering to himself, Jeong Tae-ui lightly patted his cheeks a couple of times and then, after hesitating for a moment at the number displayed on the phone's screen, pressed the blinking light.
"Yes, hello."
'—It seems like you’re the only one answering the phone every time I call these past few days.'
Those familiar elegant hands appear on screen every time without fail.
Suddenly, I remember with the image of Xinlu's hand. Xinlu's hand was smaller and more lovely than that. His slightly stubby knuckles were cute. It was different from that delicate hand, which looked as if it had been meticulously crafted and polished from wax and glass.
What would that hand feel like? It would definitely be different from Xinlu’s warm, ticklish touch.
Jeong Tae-ui gave a wry smile, disgusted with himself for thinking of Xinlu even at a time like this.
"Well, I'm the one who's curious. Just how often do you call my uncle for me to be in the room every time you call?"
'To be precise, you're the one who's there every time I call, Tay. Though it’s true I’ve been calling more frequently as of late.'
"Why? Is Uncle pestering you to quickly sent the book by Laurent Gasset?"
Jeong Tae-ui pulled a chair over and sat down, smiling weakly. But come to think of it, this man wasn't an antique book dealer. Or maybe he did it as a side job.
'Haha, I already sent that. I sent it by ship, but it should arrive before the end of this month.'
Ilay laughed. Even though it was a mechanical voice, his cheerful tone felt refreshing. The heat in my head seemed to cool down a little. The coolness that came through the heat felt good.
I had wondered whether to answer the phone or not, but it seemed I made the right choice. This man had a cooling effect.
Jeong Tae-ui brushed back his fallen hair and smiled faintly. "That's good. Once the book arrives, I should be the first to read it," he murmured languidly.
Silence flowed for a moment from the other end of the phone. Fingers tapped intermittently on the desk, as if probing the other side.
'Tay. Did something happen?'
The quiet voice, asking so subtly. The voice, tinged with an interesting light, could have been unpleasant, but surprisingly, it didn't feel bad. Rather, I even felt like rambling on in my exhausted state.
"I guess it’s written all over my face, huh?"
'You can say that. Well, your face is, quite red.'
"......"
Jeong Tae-ui roughly rubbed his face with the back of his hand. It should be cooling down a bit, but now I was starting to feel the alcohol.
'A complicated face. What could be so troubling in that simple world of yours, isolated on an island?'
"......Ilay. You see……."
Jeong Tae-ui trailed off for a moment. He hesitated, feeling like some old drunkard grabbing a stranger to ramble to, but he had already started talking.
"Have you ever... had something happen that was sexually(性) immoral?"
Jeong Tae-ui said seriously. A brief silence passed over the phone before the man replied, his voice a little deflated as if it was an unexpected topic.
'I'm not sure what you mean by ‘Sexually immoral’. What kind of situation are you referring to? If it's an unethical relationship, let's see... are we talking about incest? Or a relationship with someone who has a spouse? Or perhaps rape, assault, or other acts that are taboo from a human perspective……, and from a conservative viewpoint, a relationship with someone of the same sex could also be included. Well, there are so many, I'm not sure which one you're referring to. Take your pick.'
".......Well…… I could pick one from that list if I really had to……, but it's not something that depraved."
Jeong Tae-ui, slightly tired of the relentlessly pouring out amoral words, muttered. Hearing those words, I feel a bit lighter. I haven't had such taboo-breaking thoughts myself. Except for one.
'Depraved, huh.'
Ilay chuckled. However, he didn't elaborate on that and continued.
‘You see, I keep my desires and emotions separately. So, there have definitely been instances where I’ve done sexually immoral things, by your standards anyway. Though, I'm curious, what exactly is this sexually immoral thing that happened to you today?’
"......"
‘Why? Did some person jump you and take off?’
"......, ......"
This man's thoughts are a bit extreme. Not only extreme, but they also jump in unexpectedly strange directions.
Jeong Tae-ui sighed deeply and laughed weakly.
"What kind of person in their right mind even thinks of doing such a thing to me? No, it's not that serious……. What am I saying, I'm making myself sound ridiculous. It's just that the guy I have feelings for touched me a little, and I got visibly aroused right in front of them. It was just a hard-on but……."
Jeong Tae-ui hesitated, unsure of how to continue. Silence returned from the other side. The way his fingers, which had stopped, slowly tapped the desk one by one, showed that he didn't quite understand.
He mumbled, "Why is that……" then suddenly, as if he understood, he muttered, "Ah."
'So, you sexually harassed them? It seems like you regret it.'
This time as well, it was Ilay who jumped in an unexpected direction.
Jeong Tae-eui stared at the monitor with a bewildered expression before sighing.
"No, it's not like that. I didn't mean I got an erection in bed or in a private setting. I mean, we were just normally drinking tea and talking, and it happened in front of someone who has no romantic feelings for me."
'Hmm……?'
His fingers tapped the desk, tap, tap. Now, even by the shape of his hand and the movement, I could roughly tell. That gesture meant he still didn't quite understand.
'I'm not sure I understand. I can see your way of thinking……. But I don’t understand why you feel ashamed. That wouldn’t benefit your life in any way. If it were me, I would have just made a move while I was already aroused. That would be better than ending up whimpering and blushing over my own sexual frustration.'
Jeong Tae-ui frowned. He rubbed his face with his palm, wondering if it still looked flushed. I probably shouldn't have drunk.
"Just go for it, huh……. What about the other person's feelings?"
Ilay didn't answer. It wasn't that he didn't know or was thinking, but rather that he seemed to be refraining from answering. "Well..." he replied in a subtly amused tone, and Jeong Tae-ui realized that this man had his own answer but was deliberately not saying it. And Jeong Tae-ui, feeling the same way, didn't bother to press him.
'If it were me, I would sleep with someone I'm attracted to first. I think emotions are just temporary whims and not worth worrying about that much. Or rather, I wouldn't say that a momentary desire is inferior to a lasting emotion—if such a thing exists.'
"Are you a hedonist?"
'Something like that.'
He affirmed with a smile. Jeong Tae-ui also nodded. Although I couldn't entirely agree with the man's way of thinking, I understood what he meant. Jeong Tae-ui also didn't disregard pleasure. However, I still felt that my way of thinking was very different from this man's in some aspects.
Jeong Tae-ui chuckled and stroked the back of his neck.
Regardless of their differing opinions, these kinds of conversations that flowed without any awkwardness weren't bad. I enjoyed talking with this man in that respect.
Suddenly, Ilay burst into laughter as if something was very amusing. A short, low chuckle followed.
'It's something I think about every time I talk to you, but you are so different from Jeong Jay in many ways.'
"Well, we're different people. Have you been talking to me all this time looking for traces of my brother in me?"
'Not exactly, but the thought that you are Jeong Jay's younger brother has always been on my mind.'
Jeong Tae-ui let out a sigh mixed with laughter. "What is it?"
Is this man also one of those people who approached me because they were interested in the genius Jeong Jae-ui? No, but he doesn't seem to have any ulterior motives, so it's hard to say he approached me. It would be more accurate to say that he became more interested in me because I was Jeong Jae-ui's brother.
I was past the age of feeling resentful about such things, and it had happened so often in my life that it wasn't a big deal anymore.
"You seem very interested in my brother."
When Jeong Tae-ui subtly brought it up, the man casually laughed it off.
'Is there anyone who isn't interested in the genius Jeong Jay? At least not anyone in my circle.'
"Haha, alright. So, what do you think now that you’ve compared us?"
'Hmm? Compare……. I haven't consciously compared you, but alright, let me think. …….It’s obvious without much thought.'
"Ah, what is it?"
'Jeong Jay is more human. In many ways.'
Jeong Tae-ui closed his mouth. Like most of what the man said, this was also quite unexpected. It was something I had never heard before—at least not openly—and something I had never thought about it myself.
Jeong Jay is more human. In many ways,
Jeong Tae-ui hmmmed and smiled wryly. Of course, I had never once considered myself to be full of humanity. But I hadn't expected to hear such words. Unlike the common prejudice people have towards geniuses, I knew very well that Jeong Jae-ui was a person with a great deal of humaneness.
"Without me knowing, you must have thought I did something terribly inhumane to you, or perhaps my brother did you a great favor. If you mishear that even slightly, it sounds like an insult."
'I didn’t mean it as one. For example…… yes. Perhaps it's that Jeong Jay suffers from more anxiety and stress than you. That's what I mean by being human.'
Jeong Tae-ui lost his words again.
The things the man said casually without much thought felt particularly surprising today.
Anxiety and stress. Perhaps that was true. How could I know how he feels when I’ve never been inside his head? Since individual feelings cannot be extracted as absolute numerical values, it's not a matter of comparing who is more or less anxious.
"But objectively speaking, my brother seems like he would have no idea of what anxiety and stress are because of how lucky he is. He's the kind of person who left home saying he wanted to experience some bad luck himself."
Jeong Tae-ui shook his head and muttered. Ilay watched him silently for a while. Somehow, it felt like he was smiling from the other side of the monitor.
'Certainly, Jeong Jay is extremely unlucky. To the point where you'd throw up your hands. But, have you ever thought about what lies at the root of that luck?'
The smile disappeared from Jeong Tae-ui's face.
I had been feeling like something was off for a while now. Something was nagging at me in the man's words, but I hadn't known what it was. Now, I felt like I vaguely understood.
This man knew something that I myself had never thought about, nor needed to think about.
"He's my brother, but it seems you know him better than I do."
Ilay seemed to immediately catch the meaning in Jeong Tae-ui's bitter words. "Oh no," he muttered, feigning embarrassment, and held out his hand.
'My bad. I didn't mean to upset you. Shall we change from this topic?'
Ilay concluded the conversation in a light tone. Jeong Tae-ui stared intently at his white hand before finally sighing. It wasn't a topic I wanted to dwell on.
'I think you’ve calmed down a lot. The flushed look on your face has returned to normal.'
At those words, Jeong Tae-ui, who had been wearily rubbing his forehead with his thumb, turned his head to look at the mirror. As he said, the flushed look that hadn't seemed to want to subside had returned to normal.
Just as Jeong Tae-ui casually ran his hand over his face, Ilay's subtle voice entered his ears.
'Anyway, if you’re trapped on that island, the person you have feelings for must not be a woman,'
Jeong Tae-ui replied sullenly to Ilay, who trailed off ambiguously.
"Of course not. Ever since high school, I haven't even held hands with a woman, except for a handshake."
‘Aha, so then that must be part of sexual immorality you mentioned. Indeed,’
Ilay murmured to himself as if understanding. Jeong Tae-ui, who hadn’t brought up the topic first but had no intention of hiding his preferences from the start, shrugged.
“Yeah, do you find that distasteful?”
‘Distasteful? Why should I find someone else’s preferences distasteful?’
Ilay said, bursting into laughter. His words clearly drew a line. Even though we were talking as if we were close, we were clearly strangers. Not only practically, but emotionally as well.
It was then that Jeong Tae-ui suddenly realized.
This man, while talking so freely with me, didn’t harbor any intimacy or liking towards me. Nor did he have any negative feelings. He was literally a pure stranger, nothing more and nothing less.
Even though it was obvious, Jeong Tae-ui felt a vague sense of surprise. Only now did I realize that I had felt quite a bit of familiarity towards this man. They had only encountered each other over the phone a few times, but as most people do with someone they’ve talked to multiple times, Jeong Tae-ui had also developed a sense of familiarity corresponding to the time they had spent together.
However, none of that mattered to this man. He wasn’t someone whose feelings were proportional to time spent. Looking back, there had been plenty of room to realize this, but he hadn’t noticed at all. He probably wouldn’t feel any different towards me even if they talked hundreds or thousands of more times. His feelings towards me would remain that of a stranger.
Leaving aside the issue of being cold or not, he was outside the emotional spectrum of ordinary people.
When it comes to being human, you’re probably the last person who should be talking about anyone…….
Those words rose to his throat, but he swallowed them back down without saying anything. I had no intention of arguing, and having realized that the other man was drawing a line as a stranger, I felt that giving such advice to a stranger would be presumptuous.
“What a shame, I actually quite liked you.”
‘Aha, if you mean that in a sexually immoral way, then anytime is good.’
“……No. That’s absolutely not what I meant.”
Jeong Tae-ui muttered, sounding fed up. Of course, Ilay, who obviously knew, chuckled softly.
Just then, a faint mechanical sound came from afar. The regular beeping sounded like a timer, an alarm, or a call of some sort. It was coming from the other end of the phone.
Ilay seemed to turn around. He sighed heavily and tapped the desk with his fingertips.
‘They always call just when I tries to take a break. I should get going now.’
“Alright, then let’s talk again if we have the chance next time.”
‘Unn. — Ah. Come to think of it, the joint training between the Asian and European branches is around the corner, isn’t it?’
“That’s right. You know pretty well.”
A broker of antique books, a broker of weapons, a man who could be considered extremely suspicious depending on how one looked at it.
However, the schedule for the joint training wasn’t exactly a secret, and Ilay seemed to have a close relationship with my uncle—though the specifics were unknown—so it wasn’t strange that he knew.
‘Going straight into joint training as soon as you enter the branch must be tough. Good luck. Try not to die.’
“That's a pretty ominous way to wish someone good luck, but thank you.”
Jeong Tae-ui muttered with a dumbfounded laugh, and Ilay seemed to chuckle a little as well. And just like that, the call ended.
***
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Credits:
Translator: Hoshi Miya
Editor/Proofreader: Tâmago
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